A Few Humble Words about Fleet Week in San Francisco
I just want to say a few words about Fleet Week, because I recognize that there are some individuals — dangerous radical socialists all (and possibly even DSA members!) who reject the fact that, as a Chri$tian nation which respects the values embodied by Our Lord and Savior Je$u$ Chri$t, we, throughout our history, have found it necessary to murder and exploit people in order to preserve the hegemony of our elites.
While sadly, Fleet Week is ephemeral, and we are tragically unable to have these wonderful jets strafing our homes, terrorizing our pets and spewing toxic fumes on a daily basis, we do have many examples of celebration of imperialism within our city year-round that we can point to.
For example, the Speckels Temple of Music in Golden Gate Park, celebrates the life of a man who never met an Asian immigrant to Hawaii he could not try to exploit.
Now christened “LIFT EVERY ELITE VOICE” by a benighted San Rafael resident, we can all be proud of the history this exquisite structure represents.
Across from it stands the gorgeous rusting prison-style theme park/museum whose founder started a war with Mexico in order to protect his mining interests.
A bit further, we have Nancy Pelosi Drive, renamed, without any public discussion, after a true feminist who, while enriching herself to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars, has worked diligently to send innumerable Iraqi and Afghani women and children to early graves.
The late Ed Lee, the most honest and least corruptible mayor in San Francisco history, thoughtfully renamed Middle Drive after this local heroine, truly an Empress Dowager for the Pussy Hat set, through executive order. Because we have democratic process.
A bit farther, where we should find 13th Avenue, we find Funston, a fine street named after a true patriot, a general who did great honor to the United States by murdering hundreds of thousands of Filipinos.
Thankfully, we also have a fort named after him. We can not honor true patriots — true exemplars of fundamental American values such as murder, rape and mayhem — highly enough! These are the people who made our nation great!
Some naysayers might maintain that they don’t care about all of this. All they care about is what they can put in their mouths and stomachs and what high-quality manufactured products they can purchase with their hard-earned credit cards.
And those are values not to be scoffed at!
It is crass materialism and a lack of concern for human rights that makes this nation the beacon of democracy that it is!
However, some of these people might whine that their beloved pets (and even some spineless children) cower with fear when these jets strafe their home.
Let us be clear: There are alternatives. Pets can be put out for adoption in some backwater where they are not fortunate enough to have the wondrous splendor that constitutes Fleet Week.
Sure, they might miss Fido or Dot for a moment, but time heals all wounds. As for the children, there are any number of wholesome American evangelical Chri$tian couples who might adopt them and raise them in a wholesome environment safe from the toxic pronoun-laden sewer of Critical Race Theory that the City of Saint Francis has become.
In short, we need to stop whining and appreciate the wondrous spectacle, funded through treasury-bill investments by the totalitarian Chinese state, that these bright shiny objects represent.
We also need to view them as a homage to our illustrious tech industry, which makes surveillance and repression so much easier.
After all, how would predator drones murder people abroad, including US citizens, without the wondrous technology that the tech industry provides?
After all, pre-judicial killings are an integral part of democratic process.
Even illustrious citizens, such as the egalitarian Mark Benioff, play an important role in keeping the dark hordes from our doorsteps, by creating innovative, Ohana-style technology for ICE.
In short, we need to learn to embrace exploitation, imperialism and aggression.
So don’t forget to come out to venerate these bright shiny, fuel-spewing objects. Ignore the naysayers!
They do not understand about True American Values. It is up to us to proudly not take responsibility for the actions of our government and bask in the glow and tuneful sounds of these jets.
We can all be proud that the US military is the number one user of fossil fuels on the planet!
For those haters out there (and haters, however unreasonably, will hate), we need to point out that Fleet Week contributes substantially to city coffers, and no politician concerned about future campaign contributions, at least no rational politician, would dare to endanger those revenues.
The blowback from the beloved Chamber of Commerce would sink many an aspiring political ship. So, thankfully, for we on the pro-imperialist right, politicians studiously avoid any stance on the issue.
We all need to remember: What is good for the tech industry and SFTravel (the privatized city tourism agency) is good for all of us.
Regardless of the consequences environmentally or what happens in distant, inconsequential backwaters such as Afghanistan and Iraq, the United States is exceptional and beyond criticism.
Having jets fly over the welcoming City of Saint Francis is truly a win-win situation for everyone who matters!
